2.  It’s hard for us to develop healthy boundaries, when we don’t give ourselves permission to be separate.

In such circumstances, healthy ego development is thwarted, separation from the parent is rendered incomplete, and development of healthy boundaries is impossible. Consequently, relationships can be experienced as dangerous, since they are based in primitive attachment, which does not allow for the ability to be separate.

The striving for both merging and independence is characteristic of the early stages of child development with its push-pull relational pattern. This dynamic both creates a problem with relationships and provides a remedy at the same time. By consciously navigating the waters between bonding and separation, they can access the territory from which a healthy self can develop.

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